Loss vs. Gain

Out of respect for the season I'll start off with a football analogy. A loss of yards is not a good thing when you're on offense while a gain of yards is great when you're on offense. The majority of time the announcers are speaking from the perspective of the offensive team. That's why you hear more often than not "A loss of 5 yards on the play,' or "A gain of 32 yards and a 1st down." It's all about persepctive - in the above statements the defense gained 5 yards toward their goaline but then lost or gave up 32 yards.
Why do I bring this up? Because recently people around me have been focusing primarily with the loss perspective. I hear comments like, "Are we going to lose you at SPC now that you're getting married?" "I hear we're losing Andy to you." "Your parents are losing another daughter." "We're losing another one to marriage." So much attention is being focused on the loss of everyone else which has got me thinking, what are the gains? To me, I'm gaining a husband, a live-in best friend for life. I'm gaining a new identity. I'm not losing my family, I'm gaining another family. I'm not losing my church family, I'm gaining another church family. I hope I'm not losing nor Andy is losing any friends, just gaining each other's friends. My parents are not losing a daughter, they're gaining another son just as Andy's parents aren't losing a son but gaining a daughter. I'm not lost to marriage but gaining a new life.
Loss vs. gain...it all depends on your perspective. We, as humans, are born very selfish and self-centered creatures and therefore when we focus on the loss vs. the gain it is usually in terms of how it effects us and not how it effects other people. I could have looked at my brother and sister when they married their spouses and thought, I'm losing my brother and my sister but instead I thought, they're gaining a wife and a husbad and I'm gaining a new sister and new brother!
All life transitions will require both loss and gain. Transitioning from high school to college means loss of the security of your home and living with your parents but you gain an independence and new life experiences. Transitioning from college to working world means loss of student mentality (no money, sleeping in, group projects) as you gain an understanding of the responsibility of working full-time and enjoy new benefits (money, going to bed early and no group projects!). Transitioning from a single life to a married life means loss of self-interests only, self-thinking only and depending only on yourself. It means a gain of another persons interests, thinking of another before yourself and depending on them as they depend on you. For me it means loss of my own closet, my own bathroom, making "house rules" alone and my way only; it means loss of doing things always for me on my terms, my way and in my own time. But it also means gains of love, gains of another persons energy and attention and interests in me, gaining a new identity and gaining a new life alongside of someone I love very much.
Selfishness is at the root of loss vs. gain. When a believer pass away we all mourn because we have lost someone we love. There is nothing wrong in doing this but we should find peace knowing that they have gained eternal life with Christ and be comforted in that. When people move away we are sad because we have lost them in close proximity but they will be gaining new experiences and perhaps that was best for them. Maybe I'm the one being selfish as I am focused on what I am gaining through getting married and not focusing on how a gain for me may feel like a loss to someone else. Point noted. I just don't like people focusing on the negatives all the time of loss because with each transition there are gains too. Nobody is losing me, just gaining Andy as part of me and nobody is losing Andy, just gaining me as part of him.
The Bible also talks about loss vs. gain in a few places. In Luke 9:25 it says "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, an yet lose or forfeit his very self?" And in all the gospels Jesus talks about losing our life here in this world will result in gaining our eternal life (Matt 10:39, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, John 12:25). My prayer is that I would be sensitive to the loss vs. gain perspective because whenever there is a loss, there is also a gain and different people are at different sides of the outcome.

Soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Andrew Nuetzel!

Well, here we are 3 1/2 weeks after the proposal in full wedding planning gear! Lots of bride magazines and books I look through has a timeline of 9-12 months out...6-9 months out...4-6 months out...and I just laugh because we started with only 4 months out! A lot has been decided already such as:

1. Saturday, February 24 @ 6:30pm
2. Ceremony at Andy's church (CCML)
3. Reception at my church (SPC) which is Andy's old church
4. "Officiating" will be Matt Tebbe and Paul Gearhart
5. Matron of Honor is my best friend Johnna Clemens
6. Best Man is Andy's good friend and roommate Ben Ruyack
7. An all family wedding party including my two sisters, my sister-in-love & Andy's sister-in-law and then Andy's two brothers, my brother and my brother-in-love! :)
8. Ushers are all awesome guys that minus one have known Andy since elementary school: Nick Epple, Dan Dark, Adam Pederson, Joel Stafford, Jordan Heid & Derek Diedrichs.
9. All the bridesmaids will be wearing black dresses and red roses will be our flowers.
10. My cousin, Angela Malone, will be blessing us with her vocal talents.

This is just a top ten list of some of the decisions we've made and even though we've got a lot more to make we are having lots of fun just thinking about being married to each other and having each other as our family. We're going to start our pre-marital counseling tomorrow with an amazing couple, Paul and Becky Gearhart, and we're both really looking forward to getting ourselves prepared for a happy and healthy marriage and not just a wedding day. Please keep us in your prayers that we'll continue to learn more about each other, how to love each other and how to prepare to live together and in doing so grow to love each other deeper.

Lies Women Believe

This book has challenged me more than once so I thought I would share with you all some of the truths it has helped me with. I started reading this about a year ago but stopped because it kept telling me that things I believed were lies and I didn't want to deal with them or be challenged in that way. I have recently begun to read it again and instead of stopping because I'm uncomfortable I'm trying to embrace the truth behind what Nancy is bringing out. Here are a few examples:

The Lie: God is not really enough.

At first I, probably like you, disagreed with thinking this way until she writes this, "Sure, I need God. But I need Him plus close friends; I need Him plus good health; I need him plus a husband; I need Him plus a job that pays enough; I need him plus a house with a microwave, a washer/dryer, a garage, and a fresh paint job...Do we truly believe God is enough, or are we looking to other things and people to fill the empty places of our hearts - food, shopping, friends, hobbies, vacations, our job or our family?

The Truth: God is enough. If I have Him, I have all I need.

This was hard for me to come to speak as truth in my life and it still is at times. My prayers have been that God would be the only One that would fill me up and others would leave me feeling empty so that I continue to turn to God and not others, not even my fiance, for all of my fulfillment.

The Lie: I have my rights.

Today it is assumed that...

• you have a right to be happy;
• you have a right to be understood;
• you have a right to be loved;
• you have a right to a certain standard of living, to an equitable wage, and to decent benefits;
• you have a right to a good marriage;
• you have a right to companionship and romance;
• you have a right to be treated with respect in the workplace;
• you have right to be valued by your husband and appreciated by your children;
• you have a right to time off and a certain number of vacation days;
• you have a right to a good night's sleep;
• you have a right to have your husband pitch in with the household chores;
• you have a right to be angy;
• you have a right to insist on your rights!

The Lord asks Jonah in Jonah 4:4 "Have you any right to be angry?" Jonah's emotions were controlled by whether or not he thought his rights were being fulfilled. Jonah felt he had the right to control his own life and environment, to have things go the way he wanted them to go, and to be angry when they didn't. His insistence on his rights caused him to be emotionally unstable, isolated, and estranged from God.

The Truth: Claiming rights will put me in bondage. Yielding rights will set me free.

Again, this was very hard for me to accept because it is so natural for me to keep my rights and want my rights. After a few attempts of trying to hold on to my rights and getting nowhere except frustration I am working on yielding my rights and have found it to be so much more freeing and also not so self-centered.

The Lie: I should not have to live with unfulfilled longings.

Our society has bought into the philosophy that there is (or ought to be) a remedy (preferably quick and easy) for every unfulfilled longing. Therefore...if you're hungry, eat. If you want something you can't afford, charge it. If you crave romance, dress or act in a way that will get men to notice you. If you're lonely, share your heart with whatever man you'd like regardless if you or he are married.

The Truth: I will always have unfulfilled longings this side of heaven. (Romans 8:23) The deepest longings of my heart cannot be filled by any created person or thing. If I will accept them, unfulfilled longings will increase my longing for God and for heaven.

Every created thing and person is guaranteed to disappoint us. Things can burn or break or be stolen or get lost. People can move or change or fail or die. I will always be disappointed and also be setting unrealistic expectations on people and things if I look to them to completely satisfy and fulfill me. God has made us in such a way that we can never be truly satisfied with anything or anyone less than Himself. It is not wrong to have unfulfilled longings - they do not make us any less spiritual. We must learn to accept those longings, surrender them to God, and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts.

I plan on continuing to read this book so I may share more in future posts about some lies and truths I am discovering.